my four year old likes to whisper secrets in people's ears. Normally she just says "I love you" or even just makes a whispering sound with no words....that's what I was assuming she would do this time. But no. She came up and said she had a secret. So I gave her my ear and she said, are you ready for this..."butt squirts". Seriously. Butt Squirts. When her dad gets home we're going to have a talk, because I'm pretty sure she got that from him.
earlier she was running around in her underwear, as usual, and she was talking about how excited she was to go trick or treating. I told her she couldn't go without her costume (she's going to be a sunflower fairy, whatever the hell that is), and she looked down at herself and said "I'm going to be a naked girl for Halloween". Priceless.
Friday, October 31, 2008
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
writers block
Writers block. I have it. This is not a good way to start off my extremely successful blogging career. My last post was just an old blog from my myspace page that I posted like 5 months ago. This isn't good. I'm beginning to panic. What about all the people who depend on my blog to get through their day? What about the dissapointed little children who won't be able to read my inspiring words today? What about the homeless people who won't find copies of my printed out blog laying on the street from when it fell out of that guy's briefcase? You know, the guy who printed out a copy of my blog to take home and frame because it was so thought-provoking? What about the homeless guy counting on my blog??? The world is a sad, sad place when this mother of two has to let down the millions of people counting on her. I'm so ashamed.
Monday, October 27, 2008
Things I have learned
This is actually an older post from my myspace blog, but by popular demand I have brought it over here for people to read as well. It's just a small list I've compiled of some very important life lessons I've learned in the past year or so. Enjoy!
1. Men think that painting skateboards and hanging them on the wall is art.
2. Don't send that same man to the grocery store with a 4 yr old because they will come back with ice cream sandwiches, pizza rolls and cotton candy. true story.
3. Spongebob is on all the freakin' time. It's on Nick, or as I like to call it, the all spongebob channel.
4. Sophie won't eat if you call it dinner or lunch, you have to say it's a snack.
5. Baby puke stains the couch.
6. Band-Aids are hard to get off the bottom of your favorite slippers.
7. Toys somehow end up in the drawer of the refrigerator.
8. Gerbils are extremely messy, and the 4 yr old will not clean up after them.
9. Two adults and one child can sleep in a queen sized bed fairly comfortably.
10. Coffee is a wonderful drug.
11. When you try to take a relaxing, candle-lit bath by yourself, your 4 yr old will stay in the bathroom with you so "you won't be scared". And she somehow always weasels her way into my bath!!!
12. My boyfriend can be super sweet, he made me that wonderful candle-lit bath, with a glass of wine and a book too!
13. A 4 yr old girl and a 29 yr old man both think farts are freakin' hilarious. It's like a brand new joke to them every time.
14. Donnie likes macaroni and cheese with every meal, every night.
15. Your 4 yr old will point to the goth cashier at Shop n Save and say "why is she dressed like Halloween?"
16. The baby wants to be held at the exact same time you sit down to dinner.
17. Don't forget to cook the pasta.
18. Dvd's make great ice scrapers for your windshield.
19. It's hard to find really good friends.
20. Moms have the best stories!
1. Men think that painting skateboards and hanging them on the wall is art.
2. Don't send that same man to the grocery store with a 4 yr old because they will come back with ice cream sandwiches, pizza rolls and cotton candy. true story.
3. Spongebob is on all the freakin' time. It's on Nick, or as I like to call it, the all spongebob channel.
4. Sophie won't eat if you call it dinner or lunch, you have to say it's a snack.
5. Baby puke stains the couch.
6. Band-Aids are hard to get off the bottom of your favorite slippers.
7. Toys somehow end up in the drawer of the refrigerator.
8. Gerbils are extremely messy, and the 4 yr old will not clean up after them.
9. Two adults and one child can sleep in a queen sized bed fairly comfortably.
10. Coffee is a wonderful drug.
11. When you try to take a relaxing, candle-lit bath by yourself, your 4 yr old will stay in the bathroom with you so "you won't be scared". And she somehow always weasels her way into my bath!!!
12. My boyfriend can be super sweet, he made me that wonderful candle-lit bath, with a glass of wine and a book too!
13. A 4 yr old girl and a 29 yr old man both think farts are freakin' hilarious. It's like a brand new joke to them every time.
14. Donnie likes macaroni and cheese with every meal, every night.
15. Your 4 yr old will point to the goth cashier at Shop n Save and say "why is she dressed like Halloween?"
16. The baby wants to be held at the exact same time you sit down to dinner.
17. Don't forget to cook the pasta.
18. Dvd's make great ice scrapers for your windshield.
19. It's hard to find really good friends.
20. Moms have the best stories!
Sunday, October 26, 2008
Saturday, October 25, 2008
Stupid Glade Commercials
I have had just about enough of those terrible Glade commercials, you know, the ones with the pathologically lying woman? She invites friends over and they smell the candle's scent in the air, and instead of confessing that it is (yikes!) a store bought candle, she must make up some tale about it being very chic and expensive. Apparently people are supposed to be ashamed of having Glade plug-ins in their homes. Does this bother anyone else? The lady is a pathological liar! They're going to need to have a commercial where they stage an intervention.
I've been doing some thinking, and I've come up with some other, better, Glade-related lies.
I've been doing some thinking, and I've come up with some other, better, Glade-related lies.
- The Glade Lady claims she bought the Glade candle, but she really stole it.
- The Glade Lady has a trunkload of stolen Glade candles. When her husband confonts her, she says she won a radio contest.
- The Glade Lady refills her Glade brand Febreeze rip off spray bottle with generic brand Febreeze rip off spray, but tells her friend it's Glade.
- The Glade Lady leaves her Glade Scented Oil Plug In plugged in for weeks after the oil is gone. It sets the house on fire. She blames a lightening strike and collects the insurance.
- The Glade Lady's husband demands that she see a counselor and deal with her compulsion to lie. She pretends to go, but spends the time sniffing Glade Spray at Kroger.
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